Part 9
OFFICIAL SCRIPT By: Brad Shoemaker and Nick DePalma PART 9: Cut back to the past in the destroyed cave where the Andybird and The Conquistador fought. Narrator returns, you can hear him munching on a sandwich. NARRATOR (muffled, in between bites): Oh, am I up again? Hold on a second. (slurps on a drink) I guess the Andybird won. (matter of factly) That would explain why he's in the future. Well, let's examine this specimen. The bird flies off from the rubble and flies aimlessly for hundreds of years, waiting for the opportune moment. NARRATOR: Hundreds of years pass, until the pivotal year 2003. In that year, the "bird flu" spreads around the world. This leads to a worldwide fight against Birddom, and bird hunting becomes rampant. The Andybird flies through a forest and gets shot several times by bird hunters. The bullets do nothing, as he's immortal, but the hunters become worried. NARRATOR: From that day forth, birds are believed to be filled with black magic and are the works of witches..........................what. I gotta say, this is getting interesting. Shows the government at a big conference. PRESIDENT JFK JR. : I err, uh, do declare that these birds are a menace. Due to recent developments in our, err, Magic department, it seems we must revert to the old days of dealing with witches. Therefore, I hereby enforce the American Bird Burning Act and establish the, err, uh, American Bird Burning Association, or ABBA, which is coincidently run by the popular rock band... ABBA. Now, my citizens, I say to you, ask not what your fire can do for you, ask what your fire can do to the birds. (uproarious applause) The Andybird watches on and begins his plot to destroy the human race. NARRATOR: Aw, things are getting interesting. I advise you pull out your popcorn and enjoy what follows. If you forgot to pick up your popcorn, don't bother getting up, we've locked you in the theater. And if you're not in a theater, we've locked you in your house. Turn around. Shows the Andybird on a foggy mountain cliff looking ahead. The Andybird begins typing on his laptop his vile plan and sets everything in motion. When he is done, he flies away. As he is flying, the date transitions from "2003" to "present day". The Andybird flies back to Crazy British Guy. It's a dining table with fancy place settings abound. Most are eating caviar and the sort, while CBG eats a large tater tot like a steak. CRAZY BRITISH GUY: Ah, you're back, bird. Do anything dastardly lately? Oh right, the bird can't talk. Here, eat, BIRD! He throws a handful of mashed potatoes at the Andybird, knocking it off the table. ANDYBIRD: KAHHHH!!!! RUFFINGS: That whole "dastardly" thing? I don't think it's helping your public image that much. CRAZY BRITISH GUY: I've been thinking about that. You know, I could go out, do some charity work, open a not-for-profit, decrease my killings per day, things like that, but I've thought, that's too much damn work! I'd rather go for something of the.... brainwashing variety, if you catch my drift. Do we have anyone working on something like that? RUFFINGS: Unfortunately, we do, sir. Shows a clearly mad scientist with a giant metal contraption sucking other people's minds and controlling them. The mind slaves are feeding him and he is laughing. CRAZY BRITISH GUY: Excellent, my plan is almost complete! RUFFINGS: Plan?? CRAZY BRITISH GUY: Nothing. My nothing is almost complete! Come, Andybird, we need to find the enemy base. And those follocking idiots better not get in our way. They walk off, leaving Ruffings bewildered.